I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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