he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
