the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
