i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize