doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
