We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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