part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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