i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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