You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
