Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
