Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
