How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
