Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
