we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
