Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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