Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
