Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
