It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
