there's paper in my vomit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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