So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
