Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My cat gives me a boner
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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