I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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