if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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