I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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