if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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