The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
