I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
