We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
