i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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