Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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