you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
