she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
