Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
