Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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