You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
