Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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