i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
