So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
