I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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