At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
