how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
