He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
