you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
