i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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