It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I FOUND THE LEGS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
