he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
