Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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