You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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