fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
