Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
