There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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