i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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