This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
