Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
