Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
