Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
