They should really pass out barf bags in church
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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