So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
