he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
