He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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