D3 body, D1 cock
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
