Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
