No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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