Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
