u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
