my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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