Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
