woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
