my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize