I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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