Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
