You're my little dorito
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
