omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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