I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to have your abortion
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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