Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
