found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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