sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
