wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
