hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
