He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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