I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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