For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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