Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I bet he comes in French.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
