We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
