I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
