Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
