If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
